Wrong. Things HAVE changed. My entire life has changed…. and I’m slowly learning that it’s ok to accept that. If I’m being completely honest, I haven’t blogged much in this season because there is SO much change happening in who I am. I told Michael and my sister today that it almost feels like an identity crisis and I’m still trying to figure out who I am in this new season. I went from being a workaholic that could hardly imagine being passionate about anything as much as I was about my business to being the momma that stops everything and gives up on the to-do list because Evy is being snuggly and I want it to last as long as possible. I’ve been blindsided by an squishy, smiley, 12 pound little girl and she’s the best thing that has ever happened to me.
I think what I’m wrestling through is the idea that there was an “Old Katelyn” and a “New Katelyn”. The “Old Katelyn” had a lot of great qualities. She could GET. STUFF. DONE! She was a master of systems and taught OTHERS how to thrive and grow with her systems! She created content constantly and she blogged like nobody’s business!!! She had a one track mind and she made her ideas come to life! Her business became more successful than she ever imagined and she started educating and teaching in new ways and grew her team!! She did a lot! The “Old Katelyn” couldn’t imagine having a baby because there was literally NO ROOM in her life to slow down and be pregnant. She loved her life and she loved her success and she loved her freedom.
Now let me introduce you to the “New Katelyn”……
The “New Katelyn” has trouble setting down her 7 week old baby once she falls asleep on her shoulder because it’s the sweetest feeling in the world. She gets stuff done but not as much as “Old Katelyn”. She actually watches The Voice and This is Us with Michael without her laptop in front of her. She still loves Instagram but she enjoys posting on her family account more than her main account right now because the more she posts, the more Chatbooks she gets on her little girl and that is the BEST mail!!! The “New Katelyn” is looking forward to shooting her first wedding of the season soon! … But she’s more than ok with only having 14 weddings for the year instead of over 30 like the Old Katelyn had. The New Katelyn is THANKFUL for the Old Katelyn because she grew a business that gave our family the lifestyle that we have now. She’s thankful for the “Old Katelyn” but she still struggles with the thoughts that if “Old Katelyn” doesn’t come back in FULL FORCE, everything will crumble.
This is what I’ve realized recently and what I’m trying to remember and live into daily:
THE OLD KATELYN and THE NEW KATELYN are the same girl.
I haven’t lost myself. I haven’t forgotten how to hustle or work hard or accomplish things. Those gifts that I had before we were blessed with Everly are still there… they just aren’t dominating my life. I’m picking and choosing when to activate those gifts instead of letting them run wide open all of the time and hurt my marriage. That passion for my business? It’s definitely still there… it’s just not the first thing I think about in the morning anymore. My passion for my business has taken a backseat to the love I have for my little girl. That doesn’t mean things are crumbling, it just means things are changing.
Just because my priorities have changed doesn’t mean I have lost my gifts and my abilities that I had before….. but that’s the lie that I believe some days. It’s easy to believe it when you feel like your world has been flipped upside down! The truth is, I’m in a transitional season of figuring out what parts of the Old Katelyn are still going to be a part of the New Katelyn. I love the New Katelyn so much more than the old Katelyn in so many ways. I’ve become someone I didn’t think that I could be that is only because of the Lord.
So why am I telling you all this? Because I enjoy being honest with you and I always have been. I feel like we live a very transparent and open life and that’s part of the purpose of our business. I think God allows us to share our stories and our journey in order to empower and encourage others and I don’t take that job lightly. So, in this new season of change, there are a few things that I’ve learned and have become a aware of:
- When we’re afraid of CHANGE in our lives, we cling to the past because it’s familiar and it’s “safe”. I never want to be the person that clings to the past because I’m so afraid of a changing future!
- When we are afraid of change we tend to view things as “all or nothing”! Like, there is either an “Old Katelyn” or a “New Katelyn”. I’m either amazing and productive or I’m a mom… I can’t be both. That’s a lie! The beautiful part of the season that I’m in is that God is taking both versions of myself, combining them and making SOMETHING NEW and that’s so beautiful!
- When we’ve had a good season in the past, it’s hard to believe that a new season will be better than what we’ve already experienced. Well let me tell you… I’m typing this and I have the most beautiful little girl in a swing beside me. Nothing could have prepared me for the love I have for her. Trust in the good of the new season!!!
Happy Thursday everyone! If this resonates with you… let me know so that I’m not the only one who talks about herself in third person!! :)